The high school years

After having my dentist dreams smash apart. I wandered dremless for a while. I skateboarded and partied and had my friends, and chased the girls. Nothing else seemed to matter. It took some time but I realized that those friends would not stick around, and the girls would just become a thorn in my side. I was on a path to self discovery. When I thought I was cool I wasn't. When they told me it was fun, it was temporary. I fell in love as quick as I fell out of love. I was all over the map.

I finally retreated and tried to think things through.
Asking questions like, "Where do you want to be?", "What do you need?", "What do you want in life?".
I came to the conclusion that I needed to continue my education if I was going to attain my goals.

But then I had to figure out what I was going to take at university? My first year I stuck to the basics, I took a couple courses in english and psychology. Until i thought that I wanted to be a gym teacher, or a coach. For about 12 months I chased this dream. Until I was told by the universities I applied to that I did not have the sufficient grades to take the courses.
In one letter they offered me a substitute. Instead of becomming an outdoor educator, I could take forestry instead.

I took what was being offered to me, because it was the best and only option that made sense to me.

All I could think when I left for school was, at least I won't have to work behind a desk. I'll be outdoors and I'll be happy.

The early years

As a young lad I can remember being asked the question,"what do you want to be when you grow up?".

This question always got me thinking. In the younger years the only reason you would even dream about wanting to be grown up was so that you could stay up later. So my answers revolved around what I believed the adults wanted me to say. Stuff like I want to be a policeman, a doctor, a professional hockey player. But I am pretty sure allI was looking for back then was recognition. I wanted to hear the adults tell me that I could be anything I put my mind to.

But there was a day when I realized that I did want something when I grew up. It was money. You see my mom rasied me and my sister for a number of years alone. And during those years I was exposed to the harsh truth that money may not buy hapiness, but it does fill your belly and keep you warm and if you are lucky comfortable.

I have an uncle who is a dentist. He is a good guy. At a pretty young age I realized that dentists make some good cash. So because I wanted cash when I grew up I decided that I wanted to be a dentist. and for a number of years I stuck to that dream. Be a dentist - get money. Get money - be comfortable.

Then one day those dreams came crashing down around me. Growing up I didn't enjoy school much. For reasons I won't get into right now. I did alright but nothing special. So whe I found out that it was going to take approximately 8 years of school after high school to become a dentist, and how much school was going to cost to be a dentist. Splat! I was looking for the new dream again.

Strange but true...

I always said I would go crazy if I got a job working behind a desk. Back in high school I used to tease people that wanted to become lawyers, or work behind a computer for the rest of their life.
I loved the outdoors and sports. I've been on my own in the wilderness. Spending evenings under the stars. i was determined to work outside. I went to school and got a degree working in a field as far away from a desk as you can get. I graduated from forestry.
I ask myself more often than not, "how did I become a systems business analyst in the federal government?"

I am not complaining much about where I am. I just don't understand how I could be so determined before and now I've come to terms with what perhaps might be my destiny? as lame as it may seem to me.

I will go back and put it in place...

This is more for me than anyone else that might be reading this.